Friday, September 28, 2007

Got Breakfast?

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. ~ Ephesians 6:1-4

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Are They Chickens Yet?

OAO Daughter tried to redeem her previous, insulting remarks, when she received the most recent email wave of chick pics: "Very nice. Their looks have improved."

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. And while she gave with one hand, she was quick to take it back with the other, saying that while the photo of the black star was loading on her monitor, she saw a feather which looked like a red wart and it, "...made my gag reflex well up." For cryin' in a bucket, that kid needs a physician or something.

Birkenstock Zoomer says not to wield the rooster ax too quickly, as she has a hen with a prominent comb and aggressive personality. This little barred rock will remain with us regardless of gender:

Aggressive and nippy as a chick, she/he has become a nice, brave, friendly chicken.

Ameraucanas mature with vastly varying feathering and features, and am I ever glad this one looks nothing like Dorcas did...well, except for those putrid green legs:

Pardon the blurry image of fleeing fowl, as I must include an ancona. I think the anconas are going to be pleasingly showy birds:

The anconas are the only breed in this flock which lay white eggs. Carton-filled colors should range from white to dark brown and include some blues and greens from the ameraucanas. I can hardly wait, but wait I must, for they won't be giving us hen fruits before the end of the year. In the meantime, though, it sure is pleasing to have a yard full of chickens again.

I'm all done chicken-talking now.

For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness;
but unto us which are saved it is the power of God.
1 Corinthians 1:18

Monday, September 17, 2007

The Little Mud Puppy Done Growed Up

Friday, September 7, 2007

~*~ Homemaking Tip ~*~

Cleaning Your Glass Top Range
[in 21 steps -- 1 hour and 45 minutes]

1. Combine soda, borax, and grated bar soap as homemade laundry detergent.

2. If you are not assembling your laundry detergent as soon as the soap is grated, hide it deep in a closet, so your adolescent son won't spy it on the countertop, think it's mozzarella cheese, ram a big pinch of it into his mouth, and be pretty bummed.

3. Wash two loads of laundry with the homemade laundry detergent. (Load #2 is washed with said detergent to convince yourself those really were little balls of bar soap stuck all over your clothes in load #1.)

4. Place the homemade laundry detergent on a shelf in the laundry room, while you hope your next brainstorm will incorporate the mixture and be successful.

5. Continue brainstorming for 2 or 3 weeks, until such time as you discover you're selling your house and moving. Stop brainstorming about wasted soap -- you're gonna be busy for a while.

6. [One year later] Read online a recipe for liquid laundry detergent, learning that you can add water to your dry, homemade laundry detergent, boil it for 10 minutes, and it will be liquid laundry detergent. Presto-Chango, soap globs all gone!

7. Fill a large stock pot half full of water; add your homemade laundry detergent.

8. Place stock pot on your glass top range and turn on the heat.

9. Use this cooking time to run around the corner and answer just that one little email you haven't gotten to yet.

10. When you've been subconsciously wondering for about 4 minutes what that lovely, floral scent is wafting through the house, think to yourself, "Oh, I bet my liquid laundry detergent has been cooking for 10 minutes now and is done."

11. Get a large bath towel to soak up the large snowy lake in front of the range, on the hardwood floor; toss wet towel with undissolved soap globules onto the laundry room floor.

12. When you see how little this accomplished, pray that your male-type housemates won't soon come back from the pasture, exclaiming as they trickle in, "WHAT DID YOU DO!?" "WHAT DID SHE DO!?" and "WHAT HAPPENED!?" You'll be heavily perspiring by now and won't be in the mood to answer questions.

13. Continue your ministrations to the floor, until you can approach the cabinetry without sliding through the soap and tracking it back to the sink. This step must also include a broom and dustpan to sweep up the grated soap, which would apparently survive intact a flood of Noahic proportions.

14. When the floor can be traversed safely, sit on it while you begin to wipe the soap globs and crystallized borax and soda from the tops, bottoms, fronts, insides, handles, and hinges of 4 drawers and 2 cabinets. Do not concern yourself if the floor is still wet -- by this time, you couldn't care less what happens to your clothes. Think, "Buffing. I'm buffing."

15. Repeat step #14 eight or nine times, until the surfaces no longer dry to a telltale, chalky white. This becomes harder to perceive, as the factory finish begins disappearing from your cabinetry.

16. Now you can begin working with the slimy, frothy lake covering your glass top range and countertop. Move the canisters to the countertop at the other side of the kitchen, and decide right now that you'll chink the mixture off of them tomorrow, because you might be tempted to throw them in the trash an hour later, if you haven't already given yourself permission to postpone this part.

17. Use the cheap paper towels kept under the sink to begin mopping liquids from your range and countertop. This is not a job for the costlier select-a-size towels, for you'll be selecting GIANT and many.

18. When the liquids are mopped up, you will discover your range top is now covered with a thick, dry, crystallized film. Use a wooden spatula, plastic scraper, razor blade, dish scrubby, and terry dishcloth to scrape, scrub, and wipe the soap from your range top.

19. Repeat step #18 ten or eleven times and follow with the manufacturer's recommended range top polish.

20. Throw yourself on the sofa.

21. When you have recovered, and adolescent male-figure points to the glistening, crystalline glaze on the countertop and asks, "What's this," say, "This is a special night in the kitchen. It's countertop bling."

But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take thy coat also. Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again. ~Luke 6:27-30

Thursday, September 6, 2007

And So It Goes

Son4 walked up beside me at the desk last night and said, "F.r.e.a.k.y," which, of course, caused me to turn and look at him, at which time I saw that he was holding a large, neon pink tumbler, and rising from the tumbler were two purple straws -- one in each nostril. At a loss for words, I just rolled my eyes, and he wandered away. Moments later, I heard the unmistakable sound of bubble-blowing and Son3 exclaiming, "Gross! Stop it!"

When Son4 told me last week that the cat had found favor in his freshly poured glass of milk and asked if he should throw it out, I told him that was up to him. I heard him rinse the cat slobber cocktail down the drain. I have a sneaking suspicion he drank the nostril-stirred concoction, but I'm not gonna ask.

This reminds me of the time I discovered the need to cover with great specificity what things are not suitable ear insertions. Popcorn. I forgot to mention popcorn. I was able to get it out, though, without the aid of professionals.

Having sifted through bins of watermelons yesterday, I mentioned that I wished the produce sprinklers were running, because I didn't like having grimy hands. Ask, and ye shall receive...inside of 15 seconds anyway. So I exclaimed, "They're on now!" and rushed to the area of the lettuce bins to rinse my hands in the ethereal mist.

"Oh my gosh, I don't even know you," muttered Son3 as he quickly wheeled away with the cart. He liked me better dirty?

Even so, he agreed to go back to the store with me today. I really was on my best behavior -- well, except for the time I said rather huffily and none too quietly, "See if you can find the English on this package!"

We paid for our purchases, Son3 pushed the cart, and I was following, looking at the register receipt, and yammering ninety-to-nothing about the great deal I got on the gumbo I'd found on the rotting rack, when I let out an oomph! and an ow! Hearing the sounds, Son3 turned to see me peeling myself from the large, fire engine red, steel pillar. He slowly shook his head and kept walking, while he called over his shoulder, "I don't know you."

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. ~Psalms 46:1-3, 10-11